A doctor and an engineer loved the same girl

A doctor and an engineer loved the same girl.

Doctor used to give her a rose daily
and engineer used to give the girl an apple.

Girl got confused and asked engineer
There is a meaning of giving rose in
Why are you giving me apple ?

Engineer answered : Because
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away"

Only 1% of the girls

Fact of Life !!!

Only 1% of the girls
become wife of their lovers,
The remaining become
passwords on the computer ! 

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. 
Doctor: Drink this glass of water. 
Patient: Will it make me better? 
Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks. 

If a man listens to u for less than 5 minutes then he is ur dad.

If a man listens to u for less than 5 minutes then he is ur dad.

If a man listens to u for 15 minutes then he is ur brother.

If a man listens to u for 30 minutes then he is ur son.

If a man listens to u for 1 hour then he is ur boy friend.

And ultimately

If a man pretends to listens to u all the time but does not remember a word of what u said no matter how important,  then he is....???????

..
..

..
..

Yes , Yes....

You are correct!!!!!!

....
.
.
.
.he is deaf

For every thing answer is not husband

BALANCE SHEET Of LIFE

 BALANCE SHEET Of LIFE:

🔺Birth is your
          Opening Stock.
                
🔺What comes to you
                   is
                Credit.
                
🔺What goes from you
                   is
               Debit.

 🔺Death is your
         Closing Stock.

🔺Your ideas are your
               Assets.

🔺Your bad habits are
         your Liabilities.

🔺Your happiness is
                your
               Profit.

🔺Your sorrow is your
                Loss.

🔺Your soul is your
               Goodwill.

🔺Your heart is your
                fixed
               Assets

🔺Your character is
            your
          Capital.

🔺Your knowledge is
             your
        Investment

🔺   Your age is your
          Depreciation.
        
          And finally :
ALWAYS REMEMBER, GOD IS YOUR AUDITOR.

Have a perfect  Balance Sheet in ur life.

Signboard outside a..

--Signboard outside a..

PATHOLOGY Clinic-- 

For you it may be your Urine & Potty...

but

for us, it is our Dal & Roti...!!!

Police: R u married?

Police: R u married?

Sardar: Yes, with a woman.

Police <angrily> : Of course! Did u even hear of anyone marrying a man?

Sardar: Yes, my sister did....!!!

Child : Mummy why Gandhi has no hair on his head

'
Child : Mummy why Gandhi has no hair on his head...?

Mummy : Because he speak only truth...

Child : Now I understud why ladies have long hair...   Ultimate 

Teacher: How old is your father?
Kid: He is 6 years.
Teacher: What? How is this possible?
Kid: He became father only when I was born.
Logic!!

KID :- Why some of ur hair are white dad..

KID :- Why some of ur hair are white dad...?

DAD : – Every time you make me unhappy , one of my hair turns white…

KID :- Now understand why grandpa’s hairs are all white…

Moral :- Don’t be over smart...

In a Nursery School Canteen

In a Nursery School Canteen...

There's a basket of apples with a notice written over it :-)

"Do not take more than one, God is watching"

On the other counter there's a box of chocolates,
A small child went & wrote on it.
"Take as many as U want, God is busy watching the apples"...

NEVER ACT SMART WITH Today's Generation..!.!

New teacher joined in the school

New teacher joined in the school 
Teacher :- students tell your names nd hobbies ....
1st boy :- My name is arun . My hobby is watching moon .
2nd boy :- My name is arjun . And my hobby is watching moon .
3rd boy :- My name is vikas & hobby is watching moon .
Teacher :- wow good good Everyones hobbies are same ... Ok ....
 Now girls turn .......
1st girl :- Hello mam my name is moon ...... 

Teacher shocked ...... ★☆★★ Boys rocked .....

I was in a public toilet

This made my day:

I was in a public toilet and had just sat down, when I heard a voice from the next cubicle, he said “Hi!, how are you?”
Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”.
The voice said “So what are you up to?”.
I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”.
From next door, “Can I come over?”. Annoyed, I said, "rather busy right now”.
The voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions"

During increment time Boss

During increment time

Boss : There are 50 bricks on an aeroplane. If  you drop 1 outside.
How  many are left?

Employee : That's easy, 49.

Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge

Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?

Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.

Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?

Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.

Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Employee : She   crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday

Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?

Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...

Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen frm the aeroplane. Thats the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!!!

Moral: If ur boss has decided to screw u, no matter How much u prepare u will be screwed
So don't worry about your review.. Just enjoy ur work and enjoy life....

Height of guessing an answer

Height of guessing an answer.....
. 
Teacher - who was chandra gupta morya.

Santa - he was cousin of ganpati bappa morya....

The Director of the movie ‘Life of Pi’

The Director of the movie ‘Life of Pi’, is planning 3 more movies in India.

The first movie, casting Salman Khan, Vivek Oberoi

 and Abhishek Bachchan is titled.. ‘Life Of Rai’

The Second, casting Shiney Ahuja is ‘Life Of Bai’

The Third, casting Sunny Leone is called ‘Life On Char Pai’

Dont loose hope if you aren't getting promotion

Dont loose hope if you aren't getting promotion in office.

 Remember, Pradyumann is still an ACP
 and Daya is still an Inspector!! 

Even after 17 years of service. 

A Rabbit Runs,Jumps

A Rabbit Runs,Jumps
& Lives Only For 15 yrs.

While a Turtle  Doesn't Run
Does Nothing.
Yet lives for 300 yrs.

Moral:

Exercise Is Hell, Just Sleep Well..

Baba Aaramdev